“My First Moleskine”


I stumbled upon my first Moleskine notebook by chance. It was a few years
ago, in a Barnes and Noble on a rainy day with my Mother.

I am obsessed
with notebooks and the process of writing, so upon setting foot inside any
bookstore, I always head straight for the journals / blank books section. 
There are rarely journals that I haven’t seen before or at one time,

That night there was. It was a small pocket-size notebook
called a Moleskine.  Both the size and history intrigued me and I found
myself wanting one.   Unfortunately, I didn’t have the money to buy one. 
So, I plopped myself down in the café and started writing in what I
found to be an inadequate substitute instead, while I waited for my
mother to pay for her books and come over to join me.

A few minutes
later, when she did join me, I looked up to see her drop a bag in front of me
with a large grin on her face.  I quickly opened the bag to find one of the
Moleskines I had been drooling over.  She had seen me looking at them and
bought one for me.  I was so happy.

For days, I toiled over what to keep
in the small black book, wondering if I should taint it in with my own
writing or keep it as a book of quotations for others’ writing.  After
deciding on the latter, I meticulously collected quote after quote and slowly
began to fill the little notebook.  I carried it everywhere and continued to
do so into my freshman year of college.  By my sophomore year, my drive
to record quotations had lessened, and I became more involved with my
own writing. So, I put that first Moleskine in my desk drawer and went
to the store to buy a second one for my own writing.  I bought a
small squared one and started writing.

That same year, my mother was
diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.  I recorded my thoughts and fears
about the situation in a Moleskine.  She died in September of 2004.

few weeks after her death, I was rummaging through my desk drawer and
stumbled upon that first Moleskine.  On the last page of my scribbles, was
the last quote I had recorded in the book.  It was Tennyson’s "’Tis better to
have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."  I smiled.  Then, I
grabbed my current Moleskine, opened it up and wrote about my mom, her love,
her life and how she had given me my very first Moleskine.

"My First Moleskine"
By  Crystal Mohrmann

Originally posted 11.4.05

Image: "Willow Charcoal Rose"
By Sacredheartarts @ Moleskinerie/FLICKR
© All rights reserved. Used with permission.

One thought on ““My First Moleskine”

  1. Dear Crystal,

    My condolences on the loss of your mom. I, too, agonize over what to put in the journal (it seems too nice for any mundane thoughts) and I, too, lost my mom at an early age. I wish I had kept journals in those days.

    Your memoir is beautifully written, and touched my heart.

    Chris Joliat

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